Life at 29.....

is much different than I ever thought it would be. By 29 I always thought my house would be filled with the screams and laughter of 2 or 3 kids, I would be busily rushing around the house picking up messes, cooking delicious meals and sitting around the table as a family, probably driving a minivan and running kids here and there, throwing birthday parties, doing endless loads of laundry, kissing owies all better, helping with school projects, reading bed time stories, snuggling my little babies, feeling crazy in all the chaos at times, but feeling so overwhelmed with more love than I've ever imagined possible at others.....

But.....that's just not my life quite yet. I have had a lot of time off lately, which has been a lot of time to sit in my house, my very quiet house, while Joel is gone at work all day and think......

I'm not the worlds most patient person. And I tend to worry and stress a lot if things don't seem to happen in the time frame I think they should. For as long as I can remember I have been waiting and dreaming and planning for the days of becoming a wife and a mother. To me nothing would make me happier. I didn't become a wife as soon as I thought I would. I thought by 21 I was totally ready.(looking back now....I totally wasn't) And I spent a lot of time worrying and wondering and stressing and watching other people who seemed to be falling in love all around me and experiencing what I thought I should already have.

Single life would have been much more fun had I known I was going to get married. Even though I really did have tons of fun, I also spent way too much of my time over thinking everything. Worrying every time I moved to a new place that somehow I might be missing the opportunity to meet him. Every time I moved I would think "What if I moved and he was back where I just came from, and I just didn't stay long enough to meet him? And now I never will??" Wondering if I left him in Oregon or Utah, or each city I lived in between....when in reality he was just waiting patiently for me to finish up all my moving around and come home. And look at me now, I'm a married woman! Am I the amazing, wonderful, perfect wife I always dreamed I'd be?? No. But I'm working on it. :)

When it comes to having babies. I am trying to be more patient. And I think I have been more patient than I was waiting to get married. It probably helps having the love of my life by my side trying to patiently wait for the same thing. I am so grateful for him. I don't feel alone this time. We thought we were ready 2 years ago....but here we are 2 years later learning that we weren't.

I never want to be one my friends or family feel sorry for. Or one they are nervous to share their exciting news of being pregnant with. I am not resentful. I know when its their time its their time, and I will someday get mine. Whether it ends up being through my belly or the wonderful, giving belly of some other precious woman. I will have a family. I will get to be a mommy.

I am learning that Heavenly Father knows me so much better than I know myself. He knows the time line of my life. He knows when things are supposed to happen. And he will give me the amazing gifts in life I desire the most, he'll just wait for the perfect time to give them to me. I really need to learn to be more patient and fully trust in him.

So I will be more patient, and I will be more content, working and cooking and cleaning for our little family of 2. And work on learning the things I need to know now to become a better wife and person each day and prepare myself to someday become the best mommy I can be. I am excited to see what our future holds. As hard as it can be in the middle of it all, I know when I get to the end of my time here on earth I will be able to look back and know everything happened just when it should have. And it will be perfect.